Pursuit of (CREATING) Happiness?

Our lives are shaped around coincidences and how we react to them.  How do I react to this one?

Within 2 hours of my first blog post, I dined at a Chinese restaurant and received the fortune above: some pursue happiness; you create it. How fitting is that? Now I must admit, I didn’t want to make a big deal out of it. I HAD JUST claimed that we tend to mistake coincidence for fate and exaggerate the meaning of the moment. I’m one to let situations marinate in my head before changing my entire mindset. So I told myself, imma let this one sit in the fridge, next to the hardening eggs and the jigglin' jello…

After an emotional roller coaster of a week, I’m proud to announce that my blog name has become somewhat of a misnomer. Already? Well damn. There’s definitely still a search, but no longer is there a pursuit. I have everything I need within myself; it’s just a matter of recognizing my blessings in all its forms. My reaction to this coincidence? It’s a reminder to be AUTHENTIC to myself and to the people around me. And with that, I give you my first BEFORE and AFTER segment, themed around K.Cudi's Pursuit of Happiness:

People told me  slow my roll, I’m screaming out – fuck that! Imma do just want I want, lookin’ ahead no turning back

BEFORE: Sorry friends, I gotta keep you all out of the loop. I need to know how I really feel without you justifying my own actions (sigh). And then I'm gonna write a blog to get my creative juices flowin' and purify myself in the waters of Lake Minnetonka (deeper sigh).

AFTER: Maaaayn, I'll keep yall in the loop when I'm ready. But forreal, I've learned to listen and to trust myself. I got this (wink).

If I fall if I die, know I lived it to the fullest. If I fall if I die, know I lived and missed some bullets

BEFORE: Sometimes I feel that my own optimism will be the death of me. At times I know what I want, but I'm not willing to fight for it. Things will eventually fall into place. It is what IT IS (shrug).

AFTER: I can be optimistic and still keep it real. I'll take ownership of my dreams and goals. Make it mine without feeling entitled. Yes, it is what I MAKE IT (smile).

I'm on the pursuit of happiness and I know - everything that shine ain't always gonna be gold

BEFORE: I'm so confused. Is this what I really want? (dramatic pause. and in one motion - close eyes, tilt the head back and place the back of the hand on the forehead)

AFTER: I wanna know where the gold at! I'm serious.

I’ll be fine once I get it, I’ll be good..

BEFORE: Hopefully this music video phase of my life will end sooner than later. And you’ll never have to see another blog post from Archer. But let’s be real, I’m ONLY 23 years old. I don’t know what the fuck I want, I don’t know what the fuck I need, and I don’t know what the fuck I’m looking for (walks toward the sunset, never to be heard from again).

AFTER: Ohhh shieeet! I'm turning 24 next month. I don’t know what I want, I don’t know what I need, and I don’t know what I’m looking for. Oh yeah, that’s right - a JOB. This one tugs at the heart strings, but it also tickles the funny bone. I’ll be fine once I get it, I’ll be good (walks into a bar and sips on Grand Marnier, fade to black).

But let's end this on a serious note. To me, happiness is something I've learned to create without lying to myself. Will my readers get the inside scoop on my childhood? Possibly.

So be AUTHENTIC. I know that to maximize my happiness, I need to be the BEST PERSON I CAN BE – to myself, to the people I love, to my family, to my friends, to my acquaintances, and believe it or not, to strangers. It’s about creating karma, not receiving it. At the end of the day, I know that I’ve done everything in my power to make this world BETTER PLACE. Do I expect the same from everyone else? Not at all. DO you. BE you. And I’ll meet you halfway. But in most cases, I’ll meet you where you are =).

If only life was a music video

Wouldn’t life be so much easier if you could just compartmentalize all your complicated emotions and situations into a music video? When you find yourself in deep thought, there would be pseudo-tangible images to refer back to. Imagine this – you choose a song that captures your mood and listen to it on repeat. Then you mentally produce the video, as you lay awake in a bed full of sorrow, crying like you’ve never cried before OR as you smile at the world, romanticizing the possibilities. Finally, you export it and store it away, either permanently or for easy access. It’s that SIMPLE.

The thing is, a lot of us actually do this ALL THE TIME. Rather than choosing the song however, it’s the song that chooses us. The song that plays in the background while sharing a moment with someone is concatenated and auto-saved in your mental hard drive. Or the song that plays on the radio, while you’re either at the crest or the trough of your emotional wave, becomes a permanent reference point engrained in your memory. We mistake coincidence for fate, and exaggerate the meaning of the moment. The song, that JUST HAPPENED TO PLAY at that EXACT MOMENT becomes “the theme song”, “my song”, “your song”, “our song”, etc. When I was a kid, this was called imagination. But now it’s just plain dramatic. Sigh. Just because we’re adults, why do we have to let go of coping mechanisms that make emotions easier to handle? Fuck it. I still do it. Why overwhelm myself with a million shades of gray when I can choose between black and white? And we all know I would choose black.

I’m GUILTY of this. In my most vulnerable moments, I tend to lose myself in a song. I enter a state of Limbo in which my daydreams can feel so vividly real. I either fall in a deep hole as the words strangle the tears and sobs out of my body OR I’m on cloud 9 floating amidst the chorus with one hand in my pocket, while the other is holding a glass of Grand Marnier. Black and white. It’s that SIMPLE.   

But then there comes a phase in our lives when the only thing that emotionally overwhelms us are the questions we ask about OURSELVES. Specifically, it is the questions that we ask in the context of ONLY OURSELVES. Who am I? We can hope for our lives and situations to end up like a music video, knowing it’ll be resolved in due time – it’s easy. We can live vicariously through others as opposed to living our own realities – it’s easy. We can know that it doesn’t affect us directly and that the outcomes are predictable – it’s easy. But of course, it’s a FALSE REALITY, and we have a fear of putting ourselves out there.

I’M in that phase of MY LIFE. When the questions have become so personalized, I CAN’T just ignore the million shades of gray. I can go about my day and pretend that everything is business as usual, fool others along the way… but I can’t fool myself. These past 2 weeks, in my most vulnerable moments, I zoned out at work, at a party, and at brunch with my best friend – the song literally found me, all 3 times. fuck black. fuck white. and fuck gray. Let's add some color to this canvass. PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS.

The song is a mellow positive track that lets us know, more or less - that it's ALL GOOD (until you read between the lines). Throw in synthesizers playing several slow high notes, sync it up with the bass, piano, a few guitar notes here and there and viola! The feeling of the combined sounds and mellow lyrics is laid back, creating an atmosphere of relaxation that causes the listener to contemplate one's true happiness and true self. True story.

[stay tuned for the video premiere]