Letting the immigrants 'fend' for themselves- a Thanksgiving Story

That’s what the Wampanoags should’ve done to the Pilgrims! Maybe it would’ve changed the course of America. Maybe the Wampanoags wouldn’t have been stripped of their rights, land, language, and culture. Maybe… Ok. I’m over it. I’m a nerd who likes to ponder the what-ifs of history, but the Thanksgiving story isn’t one of them. I do however enjoy sharing my family’s recent Thanksgiving tradition and how it all unfolded. Interesting stuff. Get the popcorn ready.

We LOVE going out to eat on this blessed day. No need to spend an entire day preparing and cooking the meal; just chill at home with the family and watch the Detroit Lions get their asses beat on their home turf. As for the clean up – what clean up? It’s called putting the leftovers in the fridge. I love it, as I’m always the go-to dishwasher. Here’s the list of restaurants we’ve gone to since the tradition started: Lucille’s Smokehouse BBQ (2006, 2008, 2010), Black Angus (2007), and Greenfield Churrascaria (2009). Notice how Lucille’s was chosen 3 times. It’s like the Costco of all restaurants – massive food portions and the taste is orgasmic! You can never go wrong with BBQ beef back ribs, brisket, tri-tip, a fine selection of SWINE, and many other sides that fit the repertoire. Best of all, we get to binge eat on leftovers like many other families who prepare their feasts do. Ahhh, the life.

From left to right: cousin, nephew (oldest), nephew (youngest), me, nephew (middle), Mama, brother, Papa, brother-in-law

With the exception of 2010 (when too many families decided to eat at Lucille’s and we were forced to order take out), we enjoyed a family dinner at the restaurant. As a tradition, we sneak (steal?) little souvenirs in our to-go boxes, including little plates, saucers, mugs, barbecue sauce, and anything that tickles our fancy. I could easily increase our Thanks-TAKING capacity and sneak things in my sister’s purse – but I know better than to mess with a Coach and Louis Vuitton fiend. Don’t fuck with her purse. When we get home, we bring out the alki and set up for the Texas HoldEm marathon that kicks off our weekend sleep deprivation. As for the shopping, we would usually be too lazy or mentally unprepared to partake in Black Friday festivities. We resort to going to the mall the next day when all the best deals are gone. But let’s get back to how immigrants fit into this American story.

In 1994, I immigrated to the United States and celebrated my first-ever Thanksgiving. Up until 5 years ago, my immediate family always spent it at my uncle’s house, where we had the traditional American feast – turkey, glazed ham, stuffing, cranberry sauce and a whole bunch of other stuff. Can you tell that I don’t remember, nor do I know what a traditional Thanksgiving dinner consists of? In 2006, my uncle stopped having the big celebration and thus the immigrants were left to ‘fend’ for themselves (jokingly of course). We never learned how to make Thanksgiving dinner and we had no reason to. Why bake a 20-pound turkey just to feel like we’re celebrating the holiday? And to be completely honest, I was never a big fan. Turkey is boring. And so is glazed ham and stuffing. What is stuffing anyway? If it’s just something to fill your stomach, then I think I’ll pass and move on to the rice. And what do you eat cranberry sauce with? It looks just like jello to me. And I hate yams, what’s wrong with having regular potato?

Maybe I’m just being a hater, and I don’t mean to offend those who enjoy the traditional feast. But if my taste buds aren’t accustomed to it, then what can I do? I don’t expect others to have a craving for balut (chicken embryo) or chicharon bulaklak (deep fried pork intestine). Yes, I love that shit. In fact, I might just have some tomorrow. So give me my spoon, fork, rice, and meat because the immigrant in me will always prevail when it comes to food. Thank you Ms. Thanksgiving for not imposing your meals on my family, but most of all, thank you for letting the federal government declare you a holiday so that I can spend time with the fam bam and take a much-needed break from life.

I hope everybody had a wonderful Thanksgiving weekend with family and/or friends. Let’s not forget that we can be as THANKFUL at any time during the year. Have a great week!

Human Connection 101 at Barnes and Noble

The book opens on page X

For the past couple of weeks, I’ve made it a habit to visit my neighborhood Barnes and Noble to work on my job search. So far, so good! I’m following leads and setting up meetings. As focused as I’ve been though, there’ve been days when my mind wasn’t fully functioning. I completely zone out without being in deep thought. It’s a feeling that oscillates between numbness and restlessness. I sit silently with a blank stare on my face, too lethargic to do anything. Suddenly a dose of Four Loko is injected in my veins and I can’t restrain myself from wandering the house aimlessly. But honestly, it’s not a bad thing at all, just as long as I’m aware of it. It lets me know that there’s a disconnect between my active thoughts and my subconscious. I just have to bridge the gap, re-focus my energy, and move forward. You feel me?

The conversation begins on page X

Long-story-short, I took my usual trip to Barnes and Noble; only this time, I had NO AGENDA. In times like these, I usually end up going back and forth between Facebook and Gmail, as if my life depended on it. But instead, I end up having a conversation with a stranger the entire time I was there. How does this happen?!? Granted, she was a beautiful woman – nice frame, natural curls, attractive smile. But by beautiful, I also mean 30 years old, recently married, and 4 months pregnant. There was no secret agenda on my end, so don’t get it twisted!

It wasn’t so much about WHAT we talked about, but more so HOW we talked about them. We took the time to listen to each other and connected the parallels of our lives with our personal stories – about our family, our goals, our identity within a multicultural setting, and so forth. We were genuine with our words and enthusiastic with our laughter – counting our blessings and even making light of the most depressing circumstances that happened in our lives. Despite being complete strangers, we revealed our insecurities and made ourselves vulnerable to judgment. But it felt so comfortable. Simply put – we were living in AUTHENTICITY and not in FEAR.  

As we spoke, we also reflected. When talking to friends, I take for granted details that I expect them to already understand. In doing so, I constrain my stories to bullet points and lose sight of the little things that make up my being. But when talking to this stranger, important details naturally flowed out and I literally listened to myself. Best of all, my authenticity was reciprocated. The conversation created a human connection so powerful that the gap between my active thoughts and my subconscious began to close. It hasn’t completely meshed, but I’ll always look back at this moment if my mind goes astray. 

The conversation ends on page X

She was a 2^nd year law student at Georgetown University, studying at Barnes and Noble to escape the law school bubble. At approximately 2:30 PM, our conversation started. She was on page X of her textbook while my laptop remained closed. At approximately 5:30 PM, our conversation ended. She was still on page X of her textbook and my laptop was still closed.

The BOOK is now CLOSED… on to the back cover

Human connection continues to be under-appreciated amidst our technological media. I’m not against communicating behind screen names, social media, and text messages. I do it all the time – it’s efficient and people are more likely to hit you back. But when something like a Q&A Facebook trend becomes the only reason why you get in touch with another person… go slap yourself. Be authentic to yourself and the people around you. Let authenticity resonate through your words and actions. Stop living out your fears and insecurities and have a REAL CONVERSATION.

 

Pursuit of (CREATING) Happiness?

Our lives are shaped around coincidences and how we react to them.  How do I react to this one?

Within 2 hours of my first blog post, I dined at a Chinese restaurant and received the fortune above: some pursue happiness; you create it. How fitting is that? Now I must admit, I didn’t want to make a big deal out of it. I HAD JUST claimed that we tend to mistake coincidence for fate and exaggerate the meaning of the moment. I’m one to let situations marinate in my head before changing my entire mindset. So I told myself, imma let this one sit in the fridge, next to the hardening eggs and the jigglin' jello…

After an emotional roller coaster of a week, I’m proud to announce that my blog name has become somewhat of a misnomer. Already? Well damn. There’s definitely still a search, but no longer is there a pursuit. I have everything I need within myself; it’s just a matter of recognizing my blessings in all its forms. My reaction to this coincidence? It’s a reminder to be AUTHENTIC to myself and to the people around me. And with that, I give you my first BEFORE and AFTER segment, themed around K.Cudi's Pursuit of Happiness:

People told me  slow my roll, I’m screaming out – fuck that! Imma do just want I want, lookin’ ahead no turning back

BEFORE: Sorry friends, I gotta keep you all out of the loop. I need to know how I really feel without you justifying my own actions (sigh). And then I'm gonna write a blog to get my creative juices flowin' and purify myself in the waters of Lake Minnetonka (deeper sigh).

AFTER: Maaaayn, I'll keep yall in the loop when I'm ready. But forreal, I've learned to listen and to trust myself. I got this (wink).

If I fall if I die, know I lived it to the fullest. If I fall if I die, know I lived and missed some bullets

BEFORE: Sometimes I feel that my own optimism will be the death of me. At times I know what I want, but I'm not willing to fight for it. Things will eventually fall into place. It is what IT IS (shrug).

AFTER: I can be optimistic and still keep it real. I'll take ownership of my dreams and goals. Make it mine without feeling entitled. Yes, it is what I MAKE IT (smile).

I'm on the pursuit of happiness and I know - everything that shine ain't always gonna be gold

BEFORE: I'm so confused. Is this what I really want? (dramatic pause. and in one motion - close eyes, tilt the head back and place the back of the hand on the forehead)

AFTER: I wanna know where the gold at! I'm serious.

I’ll be fine once I get it, I’ll be good..

BEFORE: Hopefully this music video phase of my life will end sooner than later. And you’ll never have to see another blog post from Archer. But let’s be real, I’m ONLY 23 years old. I don’t know what the fuck I want, I don’t know what the fuck I need, and I don’t know what the fuck I’m looking for (walks toward the sunset, never to be heard from again).

AFTER: Ohhh shieeet! I'm turning 24 next month. I don’t know what I want, I don’t know what I need, and I don’t know what I’m looking for. Oh yeah, that’s right - a JOB. This one tugs at the heart strings, but it also tickles the funny bone. I’ll be fine once I get it, I’ll be good (walks into a bar and sips on Grand Marnier, fade to black).

But let's end this on a serious note. To me, happiness is something I've learned to create without lying to myself. Will my readers get the inside scoop on my childhood? Possibly.

So be AUTHENTIC. I know that to maximize my happiness, I need to be the BEST PERSON I CAN BE – to myself, to the people I love, to my family, to my friends, to my acquaintances, and believe it or not, to strangers. It’s about creating karma, not receiving it. At the end of the day, I know that I’ve done everything in my power to make this world BETTER PLACE. Do I expect the same from everyone else? Not at all. DO you. BE you. And I’ll meet you halfway. But in most cases, I’ll meet you where you are =).

If only life was a music video

Wouldn’t life be so much easier if you could just compartmentalize all your complicated emotions and situations into a music video? When you find yourself in deep thought, there would be pseudo-tangible images to refer back to. Imagine this – you choose a song that captures your mood and listen to it on repeat. Then you mentally produce the video, as you lay awake in a bed full of sorrow, crying like you’ve never cried before OR as you smile at the world, romanticizing the possibilities. Finally, you export it and store it away, either permanently or for easy access. It’s that SIMPLE.

The thing is, a lot of us actually do this ALL THE TIME. Rather than choosing the song however, it’s the song that chooses us. The song that plays in the background while sharing a moment with someone is concatenated and auto-saved in your mental hard drive. Or the song that plays on the radio, while you’re either at the crest or the trough of your emotional wave, becomes a permanent reference point engrained in your memory. We mistake coincidence for fate, and exaggerate the meaning of the moment. The song, that JUST HAPPENED TO PLAY at that EXACT MOMENT becomes “the theme song”, “my song”, “your song”, “our song”, etc. When I was a kid, this was called imagination. But now it’s just plain dramatic. Sigh. Just because we’re adults, why do we have to let go of coping mechanisms that make emotions easier to handle? Fuck it. I still do it. Why overwhelm myself with a million shades of gray when I can choose between black and white? And we all know I would choose black.

I’m GUILTY of this. In my most vulnerable moments, I tend to lose myself in a song. I enter a state of Limbo in which my daydreams can feel so vividly real. I either fall in a deep hole as the words strangle the tears and sobs out of my body OR I’m on cloud 9 floating amidst the chorus with one hand in my pocket, while the other is holding a glass of Grand Marnier. Black and white. It’s that SIMPLE.   

But then there comes a phase in our lives when the only thing that emotionally overwhelms us are the questions we ask about OURSELVES. Specifically, it is the questions that we ask in the context of ONLY OURSELVES. Who am I? We can hope for our lives and situations to end up like a music video, knowing it’ll be resolved in due time – it’s easy. We can live vicariously through others as opposed to living our own realities – it’s easy. We can know that it doesn’t affect us directly and that the outcomes are predictable – it’s easy. But of course, it’s a FALSE REALITY, and we have a fear of putting ourselves out there.

I’M in that phase of MY LIFE. When the questions have become so personalized, I CAN’T just ignore the million shades of gray. I can go about my day and pretend that everything is business as usual, fool others along the way… but I can’t fool myself. These past 2 weeks, in my most vulnerable moments, I zoned out at work, at a party, and at brunch with my best friend – the song literally found me, all 3 times. fuck black. fuck white. and fuck gray. Let's add some color to this canvass. PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS.

The song is a mellow positive track that lets us know, more or less - that it's ALL GOOD (until you read between the lines). Throw in synthesizers playing several slow high notes, sync it up with the bass, piano, a few guitar notes here and there and viola! The feeling of the combined sounds and mellow lyrics is laid back, creating an atmosphere of relaxation that causes the listener to contemplate one's true happiness and true self. True story.

[stay tuned for the video premiere]